"manly deeds, womanly words"

"hooray for the good people of genoa"

Mon, 05 Apr 2004 12:06:18 GMT

I have been having crazy dreams, crazy crazy dreams.

1. I was in a kind of dungeony style thing, it all worked like an adventure computer game. Anyway, the main objective was to kill the ghost of Benjamin Franklin, who was armed with a wooden sword. First you had to kill other bad guys like this big zombie thing, but I ran away from it cos I only had a little dagger and needed a bigger sword. I found a bigger sword in the hands of this statue thing then went and killed the ghost of Benjamin Franklin, although I've no idea how. Then I realised I still had to fight the big zombie thing and woke up.

2. This time I was in some tropical temple thing and armed with a pistol that also shot giant big rockets at people. I was accompanied by a 30-something year old Muhammad Ali in full fight regalia. I was wearing a west ham shirt and Northern Ireland shorts. The aim this time was to kill these Thai women who were patrolling around looking for us. Their uniform seemed to be a purple and pink flowery shirt and green trousers. Anyway, wandered around killing them for a while until we ended up standing right in front of two of them out in the open and Muhammad Ali ran away up some stairs but I didn't realise until I turned around and saw he wasn't there so I ran too but I didn't go up the stairs cos I saw him up there and he looked very ill. As I was running I saw him being sick and it was white and horrible and there was so much of it that I ran even faster. While I was running I realised I had no idea what I was there for and decided to go up this tower to at least have a look about before I was captured and killed. To get to the tower I had to run down this hill and as I ran I just kept getting faster and faster and everytime I tried to stop I got faster and faster until I realised that if i tried to stop I'd fall over and be captured anyway so I woke up.

damn I've forgotten the others.

"maybe I can become a dracula too"

Thu, 12 Feb 2004 14:28:59 GMT

so, one door opens as another one closes, gorged on cruises, saw ancient style bill and bens, AND FUCKING PANDAS, mr lee too, he wants to go to Romania, guess that's his call. anyway, going south, meet people book things see stuff catch some rays.

i'm not so well.

drunk again?

Fri, 23 Jan 2004 15:22:41 GMT

ra ra ra. cards are good. more food for everyone, tea for me. we have cultivated a smell, it takes a few seconds to get used to, intimidating to outsiders which to be frank is what everyone wants I think. panes's family don't talk, and chinese people don't smile for photos once they reach 35. emma is awol.

GIVE ME SOME FUCKING FIRE TOM YOU BASTARD

Thu, 22 Jan 2004 05:07:30 GMT

played with fire works last night, new year and all that what not, burnt my hand a little, character-building stuff, gives a fella a healthy glow. saluted the gate guard, shook hands and exchanged lingo, man has a fine coat. woke him up twice later, peril of the trade i guess. oh well, what the hell.

"my father says maybe today we can play with fire"

Thu, 22 Jan 2004 04:31:51 GMT

went to tom's, it was a food-for-all, rice wine was on the agenda and our status as heroes was confirmed. tom keeps his fish in a basin. meet people, make arrangements, we were drunk at supper but i don't think kennedy junior minded too much and the lady of the house was wearing her jim jams. coffee in hotels is poor, expensive and not so delicious, luckily sugar will solve all ills and also give a little back to the little man. won't play for money so we play with the kids, although one young girl can hardly be called a kid after her exploits on the great search and beyond, early morning dumplings are a treat. beer a-plenty, planning to be sick later, maybe do some sleeping. good at cards but must improve if he is to fulfil his potential (B+). no, there's no beer here at all but if you stand there for five minutes maybe there will be. toilet roll is an urgent need, there is only so much handy andy can do. water is the order of the day, dehydration is my most treacherous enemy, I would like to eat its children. and that's a fact jack

spoon, we hardly knew ye

Tue, 20 Jan 2004 17:13:59 GMT

my spoon was used above and beyond the call of duty, it is now on an enlongened hiatus from active service

hey there james-fans

Tue, 20 Jan 2004 16:59:17 GMT

played cards with mr ye, the man is an animal, he was very impressed by my dumpling making. a-planning and a-scheming are the order of the day, for trips are afoot. go see the girl, then for a leisurely boat ride across half of the 3rd largest coountry in the world, then to a city famed for its raping and off to inspect some gardens nearby, if you know what I mean. maybe to the paris of the east, then to leeds' twin. after that it gets a little hazy but if that doesn't satisfy you then you don't deserve to be satisfied.

me and mr b tackled the toilet, we are true heroes in every sense of the word, the consequences have been dealt with in a sordid manner which will one day need addressing, but not today. tomorrow is new year, hip hip hoorah, bloody good job too, food is expensive when you have no money but luckily a man with a beautiful nose will take care of that.

this is james, signing off... for now!